


086. Choices - Whole Damn Thing

by Arok88



Series: The 100 [19]
Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, College, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Professors, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 02:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30132936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arok88/pseuds/Arok88
Summary: The night they had spent together had been hot and he loved every moment of it. Until he came and thought about the older professor instead of the beautiful woman in his arms. This was happening more and more frequently now. Alone in his dorm room as he jerked himself off it was the older man's face he saw and his name spilling from Nick's lips.**Direct sequel to 088. School - Stop Me in My Tracks**
Relationships: Nick Carter/Kevin Richardson
Series: The 100 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092305
Kudos: 4





	086. Choices - Whole Damn Thing

After their night together, Nick did whatever he could to avoid Kimmie all together. He was conflicted about his feelings and didn't want to make things worse for either of them until he got a better understanding of why he was feeling this way. For the most part she had taken it well. They hadn't had any formal conversation about it, Nick just stopped being available, taking extra shifts at the library to make up the time difference. When she asked him to meet up or go out he had a plausible excuse for why he was avoiding her. 

The night they had spent together had been hot and he loved every moment of it. Until he came and thought about the older professor instead of the beautiful woman in his arms. This was happening more and more frequently now. Alone in his dorm room as he jerked himself off it was the older man's face he saw and his name spilling from Nick's lips. 

His roommate, Joey, had an off campus job and was hardly ever in the room. His girlfriend had an apartment in the city and he spent most of his evenings there, leaving the room available for Nick to come and go as he pleased without the fear of being interrupted by a roommate. He spent long hours searching the professor's name online trying to find photos of his work and learn more about his life before the accident. 

He could hardly believe that the attraction he felt toward the other man was something Kimmie had picked up on. That thought alone scared him more than anything else. If she could see it, did that mean the professor could too? Nick hoped not. Crushing on his older, not to mention male, professor was a great way to get himself on the no display list for the student show as well as embarrassing himself in front of a man who he had grown to admire and look up to greatly in a short amount of time. 

Some days the possibility of being included in the art show was the only thing that kept him going, that and the sessions he got to spend alone with his professor. He was trying to come to terms with the idea that another man not only turned him on, but held his attention for extended lengths of time. He couldn't ever remember being so interested in another person, watching them like he did. He tried to memorize every move the other man made, filing the information away for later when he was alone in his dorm room to think about later without anyone the wiser.. 

He really enjoyed the sessions he spent with Professor Richardson. He had learned a lot in the two short months they had been working together. He found himself thinking about the end of the semester and how he would feel when the class was over. He wanted to ask if the special project sessions would extend into the spring semester, but found it difficult to get the words out every time that they were alone. 

After the first time he came thinking of the professor, he had allowed himself a little leeway to think of him as more than a teacher. He would spend a lot of his free time or while he was working fantasizing about the older man. Their sessions had gotten a lot more interesting too. There were several evenings, locking alone in the LA building that Nick was determined that the other man was flirting with him. Nick oftentimes couldn’t think of anything else but getting closer to the other man so he would flirt back. Shy smiles would be exchanged and he would end up with the butterflies dancing wildly in his stomach by the end of the session. Each one was getting harder and harder to leave. He loved spending time with the other man and not just learning about art and how to get better. He genuinely enjoyed his company and loved when all of his attention was focused solely on him. One of these days he was going to get brave and make a move. He just wasn’t sure how to do it, or if the other man even felt remotely the same way he did. 

Nick took notice of the time and knew he had to get across campus soon if he wanted to get to the meeting on time. It was their Sunday afternoon session. It was the one session a week that usually lasted longer than the rest simply because they weren't racing against a clock. The last Sunday session Nick had stayed for almost eight hours, working even after the professor left for the evening. It was nice to work when the building was relatively quiet, most students out enjoying their weekend. 

He trudged down the sidewalk and pulled the hood of his sweatshirt down further on his face to block out the chill. It was only October, but winter came quickly in New York and Nick found himself chilling in the afternoon air. It was growing overcast and Nick had read somewhere that there was a high chance of rain. He was glad he remembered to put the umbrella back in his backpack just incase the weatherman had actually been right. He reached the LA building in record time and decided to take the stairs to the third floor classrooms. He took his time, trying hard to ignore the fluttering of butterflies on his stomach at the idea that he would be spending the next several hours locked up with the other man. 

By the time he reached the classroom he was almost late and was surprised to see that Professor Richardson was nowhere in sight. He was almost always there before Nick. He frowned and checked his watch again to make sure he had the correct time. He did. He bit the inside of his cheek and glanced around the classroom for any sign that the professor had been there and gone. Seeing none, he shrugged and took a seat at the table. The large windows allowed for lots of light on most days, but Nick noticed the sky had turned even darker since he'd entered the building and the risk of rain looked like it could happen at any moment. He decided to go ahead and get set up so he would be ready the moment the other man arrived. 

Five minutes later he was still alone in the classroom. It was now fifteen minutes past their original start time. Punctuality didn't mean much to him, but he knew how much it meant to the professor and he couldn't help the worry that crept up over him. What if something had happened? He was just starting to panic when he heard a rustling at the door and watched it start to open. Professor Richardson stood in the doorway fumbling with his portfolio and the door. Nick watched him intently, finally noticing the older man was having trouble getting his hand and wrist to work correctly. Without even thinking about it, Nick sprang to his feet and met him at the door, taking the portfolio out of his hands and pulling the door further open. 

The older man looked up at him with a look of pain and shame as he brushed past him into the room. Nick wasn't sure what to do, but closed the door quickly behind his retreating form and took a deep breath before turning and walking back to the table to join him. The raven haired man had settled into his normal chair and was busily rubbing the flesh on his right arm and hand. Nick watched him, unable to turn his eyes away. He'd seen the scars before, but fleetingly. Today they were red and angry and seemed to radiate pain. Every time the professor touched them he would wince and suck in a breath before pressing harder as he rubbed and massaged. Nick wanted nothing more than to reach out and rub his fingertips over the raised skin. 

"Are you just going to stand there or are we going to get started?" the professor asked irritatingly. 

Nick glared back at him and bit his tongue not to respond out of anger. He moved closer to the other man and took his seat at the table, placing the portfolio down in front of the professor. "Ready when you are," he mumbled as he picked up his drawing pad and flipped to the sketch he'd started on Friday. 

Professor Richardson nodded and opened his portfolio without another word. They worked quietly for a while, Nick following instructions on how the teacher wanted him to draw. 

A loud clap of thunder sounded outside and in an instant the sound of rain could be heard beating down on the roof and splashing hard against the glass windows. The professor had jumped slightly, a movement Nick hadn't missed. He was acutely aware of every movement the older man made and the longer they sat there working the more his hand trembled and it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to hold on to the pencil. 

"Are we going to talk about this or am I just supposed to sit here and pretend that you're okay?" Nick asked, putting down his own pencil and turning in the chair to face him. 

The older man placed his right hand down on the table before laying his left firmly on top of it. He refused to meet Nick's eyes and stayed silent. 

"Look, I know about the accident, about your hand." Nick started before he was cut off. 

"You don't know anything about it." the teacher said, his green eyes dark and angry. "No one does." 

His tone was so dejected that Nick found it hard to remain in his seat. He wanted to move forward, take the man into his arms and soothe away the pain. He bit his cheek, trying hard not to be distressed that it was the first thought in his head. His feelings for the older man were becoming more frequent and more intense. Before he could stop himself, he reached out and covered the clasped hands with his own. 

Professor Richardson looked down at their mound of hands before looking back up into Nick's eyes. "Talk to me," Nick said very softly. 

"It's really hard when it rains." 

The admittance was so soft, Nick wasn't sure he'd actually heard it. He squeezed the hands underneath him softly, not wanting to cause any pain with his movements. 

"Does it hurt?" Nick questioned. 

The professor nodded. "It hurts all the time, but it's a pain I've come to live with over the years, so a lot of the time I don't notice it as much. But when it rains and the atmospheric pressure changes, it becomes incredibly stiff, which makes it hard to control and move. And then the pain gets a lot worse. "

Nick wasn't sure what to say. Nothing could think of would be enough to show the other man how sorry he was for the pain he had gone through and Nick suspected anything he said would be construed as pity and he could only imagine the outburst that would come if the man thought Nick pitied him. 

Very carefully, Nick removed his hands and then lifted the left hand off, exposing the professor's injured right hand underneath. Nick wasn't sure how far the man would let him go and wanted to do something to show him comfort. He reached out and turned the hand over on its side, exposing the scars. He chanced a glance up at the older man and swallowed hard when he saw him watching, his eyes unreadable.

Nick brushed his fingers over the raised flesh, careful not to push too hard. He heard a sudden intake of breath above him and wondered briefly if he was doing the right thing, hell he wasn't even sure exactly what he was doing. He just knew he had a strong urge to touch and for the moment he was done denying himself. He splayed his fingers over the entire wrist, rubbing small circles into the raised angry scars with the pads of his fingers. The skin was warm under his touch and he wondered briefly if the rest of the other man was this warm, this soft. He continued his slow massage for several minutes, rubbing the professor's wrist and forearm before running his hand down far enough to massage the fingers. All he could think about was the beautiful art that these long fingers had once created. It was unfair that someone with this much talent and beauty had everything stripped away from him.

When he was done, he squeezed the hand gently before sitting back in his seat. The professor's eyes were closed and to Nick he had never looked more beautiful, at peace. He watched the man for several moments and finally his eyes blinked open and he turned to look at Nick. 

"Thank you." He said softly. 

Nick nodded. "Anytime. Don't be ashamed to ask for help if you need it. You're right. I don't understand what you've gone through or the things you have to deal with on an almost daily basis, but I'm a good listener if you ever need to talk about it Professor Richardson." 

"Kevin." the older man said quietly. 

Nick tilted his head to the side and raised one eyebrow. "What?" 

"When were outside of class, you can call me Kevin. My first name." Kevin said, his green eyes meeting Nick's ocean blue ones. 

"Alright then Kevin. Is there anything else I can do for you? To make you feel better?" Nick asked kindly, his eyes never leaving the older man's face. 

Kevin shook his head and broke their gaze bus eyes returning to his wrist. "No, you've done enough. I don't think I'll be of much more use to you today. I can't really do much through the pain to continue." he said in frustration. 

Nick leaned forward in his seat and rested his hand on Kevin's good arm. "Hey, that's okay. We can work more on Monday. Maybe you'll be feeling better by then." 

The professor nodded. Closing his eyes and rubbing his face with his good hand. Nick watched, his heart heavy. He wished harder than he ever had before that he could bring the other man some kind of comfort. 

Nick began putting things back in his backpack while the professor sat still in the chair, unmoving. "Let me help you to your car." he said gently.

Kevin shook his head. "I took the bus. I can't drive when it's like this. It hurts too much and it's not safe." 

Nick sat back down and ripped a piece of paper out of his notebook before scribbling his cell phone number across the bottom. He handed it over to the other man. "Next time you feel like this, call me and we will reschedule. There's no point in you putting yourself through this pain for us to meet. We can do it another time." 

Kevin sat up straighter in the chair and started to protest but Nick cut him off.

"Don't. I love working with you and the time we get to do it, but I would rather know you're taking care of yourself than struggling to get here to meet me." he locked eyes with the older man and hoped his point was getting across. 

Kevin nodded and slid the paper into his pants pocket with his good hand. Nick smiled and tried not to wish that Kevin would use the number for more than scheduling arrangements. "Are you done on campus for the day?" Nick asked as he put the last of his things into his bag and zipped up. 

Kevin nodded and closed his portfolio. Nick took it from him and put it next to his things. He dug in the side of the backpack and produced an umbrella. "Good. Let me drive you home.".

"You are not driving me home. I'm more than capable of getting home on my own." Kevin protested. 

"I never said you weren't capable. I'm saying it's pouring down rain outside and you're in pain. You're only here to help me and I'm going to worry about you the whole time anyway. At least this way I know you are safe and dry at home and you save me an entire evening of worry. Don't get too excited, it's just a best up old truck, not a fancy sports car. "

Kevin laughed out loud, the first smile Nick had gotten all day. "Okay, OK." he gave in. 

Nick's smile mirrored the older man as he threw the backpack over his shoulders and grabbed the portfolio and umbrella. "I'm parked out in the student lot." he said as he offered his arm to the professor. 

"I'm not an invalid Nick. It's not my hips that hurt. I can assure you they are just fine." he gave Nick a pointed look and the younger man blushed, his mouth going dry from the implication. 

Kevin got to his feet and pushed the chair back into the table. "Let's do this." he said uneasily. 

\--

They made it to Nick's truck without getting too wet. The umbrella had been big enough to hold both men under it relatively comfortably. Nick couldn't help the hitch of breath however, every time their shoulders rubbed together. He knew he was playing with fire by offering the other man the ride, but what he had said was the truth. He would have worried obsessively about the professor if he hadn't taken him home himself. Hell no matter how much pride the older man had, the fact still remained that he'd had trouble getting into the classroom and the couple hours they did manage to work only seemed to increase the pain.

They rode in silence for several miles, Kevin's head pressed against the cool glass of the truck window. Nick wondered what he was thinking about and had to bite his lip from laughing, wondering if it were remotely close to his over perverse thoughts. He was going to see where the professor lived. He wasn't sure if this would help or make his crush even worse. If you could even call it a crush. He still wasn't sure what the definition was for what he felt for the man was. He figured the amount of times he'd come with the other man's face in his mind pushed him past the crush stage, but he didn't want to put a label on it. The whole thing still freaked him out. 

Kevin had given him general directions when they first got into the truck and Nick was comfortable with the silence as they grew closer and closer to Kevin's apartment. He wasn't even sure what he would say if he was forced to talk. Several times he thought he caught the professor looking at him out of the corner of his eye, but was too scared to take his eyes off the road long enough to see. After knowing how Kevin damaged his wrist, Nick wasn't willing to take any chances with him in the truck. 

They pulled up to Kevin's apartment building twenty minutes later. Nick pulled into a parking spot outside his ground floor apartment and cut the engine. He waited for the older man to speak, but instead Kevin started fumbling with the door lock and groaned out in pain as he flexed the fingers in his right hand. Nick opened his own car door and slammed it shut before walking around to the other side of the truck and opening Kevin's. 

The older man looked up at him startled as the door opened and Nick was suddenly standing right beside him. Nick reached into the truck and took Kevin's wrist in his one palms and began rubbing the tender flesh again. Kevin's eyes slid shut and his head fell back against the seat of the truck as he allowed Nick to rub and manipulate the aching hand. Nick watched his face trying to judge how hard he could press before causing more pain. Kevin seemed to be able to handle what he was currently doing and so he pressed a little harder, sliding his hands up and starting at the curve of the elbow, the olive skin bending and stretching under his finger tips. As he worked the arm, pressing hard and then rubbing the skin, Kevin let out a small moan. The sound went through Nick instantly and he felt his body react. He swallowed hard and continued his ministrations, trying desperately not to think about his hardening cock or the feel of the professor's skin against his own. 

He bit his lip and moved his hands lower down the arm, the wrist was where the most of the damage was. Several scar lines littered the skin, angry reminders of what had happened and everything he had lost. Nick wasn't sure he could handle seeing them every day if the situation had happened to him. He wondered if the scars would feel as jagged and angry under his lips and momentarily fantasized about kissing the pain away from the older man's arm. 

Kevin was completely relaxed against the seat, the crease lines had left his forehead and his mouth was slack. Nick was pleased to see he'd been able to relax him in such a way. He didn't want their time together to end and quickly tried to think of an excuse for him to stay. 

He squeezed the fingers then, moving his hand down further and rubbing each finger individually, running his own through Kevin's, touching and squeezing as he did. Kevin finally opened his eyes and watched Nick's movements. 

"That's really helping, thank you." the older man said softly. 

Nick nodded and gave him a soft smile. "I'm glad. I'm happy to do it." 

Kevin's eyes fluttered closed again before he answered. "It's hard to massage it with my no dominant hand while it's hurting so much." 

"Isn't there anything that can be done to make the pain less for you?" Nick questioned as he slid his fingers back up the older man's arm, brushing them against the inside of his forearm before rubbing back down to his wrist once again. 

Kevin shook his head. "I've had every therapy and surgery possible. They can't really figure out what causes the pain or why it's worse some times vs others." 

Nick frowned. Every time he learned something else about the accident and the professor's injury he got a little more upset.

"Let's go inside." Kevin said, opening his eyes once more. "At least let me give you some coffee or something for driving so far out of your way." 

Nick nodded and stepped back, cheering internally for actually having a reason to stay. He watched as the professor climbed down out of the truck and he moved to close the door behind him. Together they trudged down the sidewalk and to the foot of Kevin's apartment. He used his left hand to dig into his pocket for the keys while he continued to try to rotate his wrist and flex his fingers on the right hand. Nick reached and gently took the keys out of his hand and unlocked the door. Kevin shot him a grateful smile but didn't say anything else. 

Kevin shuffled into the apartment first and hit a switch on the wall to turn on the lights. He walked through a doorway and disappeared. Nick could only imagine he was heading towards the kitchen and took off after him. By the time he'd made it unto the kitchen, Kevin had managed to spill coffee all over the counter top and was leaning hard against it, his hands covering his face. Nick immediately sprang into action. He slid his arm around Kevin's waist and pulled him back away from the counter, leading him towards a small kitchen table at the side of the kitchen. Kevin didn't even fight it, like Nick had expected and allowed himself to be moved and folded into the chair. Once he was sure Kevin was stable at the table, he turned his attention to the mess at hand. He grabbed a paper towel off the roll by the sink and wetted it. Using his hands as a scoop, he quickly wiped up the mess and threw the trash away. With that taken care of, he reached for the coffee again and started the coffee maker. 

Turning on his heel, he inspected the other man. Kevin was hunched over the table, his head in his hands. Nick quickly crossed the room and took the seat beside him. He pried the hands away from Kevin's face and took both of them in his own. "Talk to me." he said gently, running the backs with his thumbs. 

_\--  
I know you got a past, cause I got one too  
Yeah we both got some things we wish we could undo  
Old memories that we keep in the dark  
But don't hide them from me, when it comes to your heart_  
\--

Kevin sighed, tears shining in the corner of his eyes. "I don't usually need this much help. I don't know why it's hurting so bad today. It makes me feel useless and weak and I hate it. I despise having to depend on anyone." 

Nick moved then, cupping the side of Kevin's face and lifting it gently so he could see into his green eyes. "It's okay to need someone every once in a while." 

Kevin laughed bitterly and looked away, but didn't move his face out of the palm of Nick's hand. "Needing someone is what got me into this damn mess." 

"What do you mean?" Nick asked softly as he continued to rub small circled on the backs of Kevin's hands with his thumbs. The coffee pot percolating could be heard from across the room, but Nick made no move to get to it. He could sense that staying right here in this moment way way more important. 

Kevin looked at him for several long moments. Nick met his gaze spot on, refusing to look away. "What are we doing here Nick?" Kevin asked, a defeated tone to his voice. 

Nick looked at him strangely. "What do you mean?" 

Kevin sighed and tried to move his hands away from Nick's but he refused to let them go. "I mean what is this?" he asked, gesturing between them. "I mean, what are you doing, helping me, pretending to care?" 

Nick felt like he'd been slapped. He started to pull back, his eyes wide. 

Kevin continued on. "We've been dancing around this for weeks now. I know how I feel, but aren't you with Kimmie? At least it looks like it from where I'm standing. What am I saying. You're not even gay." 

Nick was silent for a moment. “I don’t know what I am.” he said quietly, looking down at their hands. 

Kevin pulled his hands back into his lap. “And that’s the problem. I’m too old for games and I’ve been through this whole thing before. I am not the person for someone to experiment with. I fall too hard and I trust too easily. I’ve been burned by it too many times in the past. I can’t do this Nick.” he stood up on shaky legs and crossed the room to the sink. He leaned against it and gazed out the window, his back to the table. “I think it’s best if you leave. I’ll see you in class tomorrow and I’ll let you know then if I will be able to keep our evening session.”

Nick wanted to stay and argue, demand they talk this through and he not shut him out. But he wasn’t even sure what to say. Kevin was right. He had no idea how he felt. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to stay with Kimmie, something that was hot, familiar and safe or if he wanted to explore this new part of him. The part that found himself hard in an instant whenever he thought of Kevin, or upset himself when he thought about the older man’s pain and circumstances. He knew he was sexually attracted to him, and while no other man had ever made him feel this way, he’d given up on trying to understand it. He had a choice to make. He had to decide which option he wanted to pursue. Just spending a few short hours with Kevin today had meant the world to him. Kevin letting him in and allowing Nick to take care of him was everything, and he wanted more. 

He knew staying any longer in Kevin’s would get them nowhere tonight. The older man had all but confessed his feelings, or at least enough of them that Nick knew he was feeling something more than a platonic teacher/student relationship. It was time for Nick to do some soul searching and decide once and for all what the best choice for him was. He stood to his feet and watched the gentle rise and fall of Kevin’s back as he continued to stare outside. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” he said softly before turning and heading back out the same way he’d come in. He didn’t even stick around long enough to hear Kevin’s reply. 

\--

Nick wasn’t even sure where to go or how to spend the rest of his evening. He had cleared his whole day for the drawing session and now that it was over, he felt conflicted and confused. He really wanted to talk things over with someone, but the only one he could think of that would remotely understand was Kimmie, and wasn’t she part of the reason he was so confused?

He drove aimlessly in his truck for almost an hour before he found himself pulling into Kimmie’s driveway. Her car was outside and he knew that all he would have to do was get out of the truck and knock on the door and she would be more than willing to talk to him. He sat there for a few minutes later, still unable to make himself move. He jumped slightly when the passenger door opened and the light inside the cab came on. He glanced over and saw her sliding into the seat as she slammed the door behind her. 

“How long did you plan to sit in my driveway?” she asked with a laugh, her blue eyes twinkled with mirth even in the dusky evening. 

He gave her a small smile and shrugged. “Until I gathered the courage to get out of the truck and knock on the door.”

“What’s going on?” she asked, concern evident in her voice as she laid her hand on his knee. 

He turned and looked out the driver’s side window, unsure how to even answer the question. They sat in silence for a few minutes until she gave his knee a squeeze and slid closer to him on the cab seat. She reached out and grabbed his cheek, turning his head so he had to look at her. Their blue eyes met in the dim light and she pressed again. “Come on Nick, what’s going on? You’re starting to scare me.”

He exhaled loudly. “Something’s wrong with me.” he whispered.

“What do you mean wrong with you? Are you sick?” her blue eyes grew concerned and her hand left his cheek and instead settled on his forearm, her fingers wrapping around the muscle. 

He shook his head lightly. “I’m not sick. I just...god I don’t even know what to say.”

She squeezed harder this time. “Just take a deep breath and start at the beginning. It can’t be as bad as you think it is. Just talk to me.”

“Do you remember the conversation we had a couple of months ago? The one where you asked me about Professor Richardson?” Nick asked looking down at her hand, unable to meet her eyes while he tried to explain himself. 

She nodded even though he couldn’t see her. “I remember.” she said softly, having a hunch she knew where this was going.

“Well I was honest with you, at least for the most part. Nothing had happened at that time. Hell, nothing still hasn’t really happened, but I’m feeling things for him. Things I shouldn’t.” he managed to get out.

She was quiet for a moment and Nick was convinced she would pull away and run back inside. Instead she began rubbing his arm gently. “Shouldn’t why? Because he’s your teacher or because he’s a man.”

“Both.” Nick said frustrated. He ran his other hand through his hair, gripping the ends of it and pulling it gently in frustration. The pain from the roots momentarily took his mind off of the swirling images in his brain. 

“Well, let’s start with the first one. He’s only going to be your teacher for another month and then the semester will be over and it won’t be weird anymore. As far as him being a guy, that one is a little more intense. Have you ever been attracted to other men before?” she asked innocently. 

“What? No!” he blurted out. How could she be so casual about these things. He felt himself growing irritated and tried to pull away from her, but she was stronger than she looked. She held his arm down and moved even closer on the seat, pinning him to the side of the cab door. 

“Stop trying to run away from me. What has gotten into you? If you didn’t want to talk then why did you end up here?” she questioned. 

“I don’t fucking know.” he said softly, going back to looking out of the window. 

“Look, I obviously can’t tell you how to think or feel or even what’s right. Do you like him? Like wanting a relationship with him like him or is it just a strong physical attraction. Believe me I understand the latter, he’s damn gorgeous. But is that all it is?” She tilted her head and moved into his line of vision so he was forced to look at her. 

He thought hard about her question before he answered. “It’s more than just a physical attraction. I think about him all the time and not just in the physical sense. I want to know everything about him, know what makes him tick. I want to help him, take care of him.”

“Take care of him?” Kimmie questioned. “What do you mean?”

Nick sighed. He probably shouldn’t have said that part, knowing how proud Kevin was, Nick knew he wouldn’t be happy to know that he had told Kimmie anything about him. “He has a lot of difficulty with his hand. Especially when it rains. He was in a lot of pain today and we had to cut out sessions short. I wanted to do everything I could to make him feel better.”

She smirked up at him. “You’ve got it bad.”

He looked at her, her twinkling eyes and her bright smile and relaxed against the truck cab. “You don’t hate me?” he asked softly.

“Hate you? How could I ever? Why would you ask me that?” she asked incredulously. 

Nick shrugged. “Because I’ve basically led you on for months why I couldn’t or wouldn’t face how I was actually feeling. I’ve never felt this way about another person, let alone another man. I have no idea what I’m doing or how I feel. I’m so confused and scared.”

Kimmie moved her hand from his arm and cupped his cheek. “I knew we were never going to go anywhere. We’ve had some good times and I would consider you one of my best friends, but I’ve also got eyes and I’ve been watching you fall for him for months. Even if you didn’t want to admit it. “

Nick shook his head and leaned it back against the headrest and closed his eyes. “He basically told me today that he feels something for me, but that he doesn’t play games and doesn’t want to be an experiment. It felt like he’d punched me. Especially after I’d spent most of the day trying to make his hand feel better. Why does this have to be so hard.” he opened his eyes briefly to look at Kimmie. 

She gave him a grin. “Nothing worth having comes easy, and nothing that’s easy is worth it. If you feel something for him, something real, then you can’t let the chance to be with him and be happy slip by.”

He looked at her for several moments, finally embracing what she was saying as truth. “You’re right.” he nodded as he thought through her words. 

“Now the question is, what are you going to do?” her blue eyes danced mischievously. 

“I have no fucking clue.”

_\--  
I want the whole damn thing  
The good the bad, the highs the lows, the in between  
Every crack, put back together, broken piece  
I want everything  
That makes you who you are  
I don't just want a part  
I want the whole damn thing  
\--_

After leaving Kimmie’s he felt more fired up than he had ever felt before. He glanced at the clock on the dash. It was only a little after seven. He wrestled with himself, knowing what he wanted to do, but still not sure if it was the right thing to do. After driving several more blocks he finally said fuck it and pulled a U-turn at the next intersection. Retracing his original steps from earlier in the afternoon, he took off towards the professor’s apartment. The closer he got the more determined he grew. He pulled back into the same spot he was in before and got out of the truck before he could change his mind. He walked quickly to the door of Kevin’s apartment and knocked loudly. As soon as he had, an image of the older man struggling to answer the door drifted through his mind. He barely had time to think about it before the door was swinging open, leaving him standing face to face with the man who had flipped his world upside down.

“Nick?” Kevin questioned softly, a beautiful look of confusion on his face. 

Nick moved his foot forward so he could block any attempt at shutting the door before he had a chance to do what he’d come for. “Can we talk?” he asked softly.

Kevin shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Nick noticed his right hand was still hanging loosely at his side and Nick wondered if he was still in pain. Kevin hesitated, Nick could see all the reasons he wanted to say no dancing across his face. Before he could say or do anything, Nick took a chance. Stepping forward he reached out and grabbed Kevin by the back of the neck and crashed his lips down on the other man’s mouth. Kevin hadn’t been expecting it and stumbled backwards. Nick was ready for this and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer to his body and keeping him upright. Kevin tried to resist, to push him away, but Nick persisted. He licked his tongue against the pout of Kevin’s mouth and suddenly Kevin was parting his lips and Nick was able to slip his tongue inside, licking and sucking every inch he could reach. Kevin finally stopped resisting and wrapped his left arm around Nick’s shoulders and pulled him closer. They kissed for several moments, standing in the doorway of Kevin’s apartment before he pulled away breathless. 

Nick’s cheeks were hot and his breath was coming out in short pants as he tried to calm his mind and his racing hormones. The kiss had left him hard and desperate for more of the older man and had to catch himself from reaching out and grabbing for him. He could tell that Kevin wanted to put some distance between them, but now that he’d tasted the other man, there was no way he could go back.

"Nick…" he started again, but Nick didn't give him time to speak. Finally realizing that they were standing in an open doorway for anyone to see them, he pushed the other man further into the apartment and kicked the door shut with the heel of his shoe. Kevin watched him, his eyes wider and his own chest heaving. Nick didn't think he was breathing hard enough. 

Ignoring the words the older man was trying to say, Nick stepped in closer and gently pushed Kevin back against the wall in the foyer, sandwiching him between the hard brick and Nick's hips. Kevin's eyes slammed close as their erections rubbed against each other through tight denim. Nick used this opportunity to press in closer and drop little kisses along his jaw before nuzzling his neck and nipping Kevin's earlobe with his teeth. 

Kevin groaned then and it was one of the most magical sounds Nick had ever heard. He loved it, wanted to hear it again but louder this time. Becoming brave he reached his hand down and cupped Kevin's erection through his jeans, realizing it didn't feel much different then touching his own and he really liked the way it made Kevin's breath hitch. 

"What are you doing?" Kevin managed to choke out, his eyes alternating between open and trying to look into his and slamming closed as Nick massaged him through his jeans. 

"I have no idea." Nick admitted. "But I know I want you, I want all of you and I never want to stop." 

_-  
I don't want just one touch, one kiss, one time, one fix  
One day, one month, one night like this  
Cause what we got between you and me  
It could be forever and a diamond ring_  
-

He pushed closer and captured Kevin's mouth with his, silencing the rest if his complaint. He licked along his bottom lip until Kevin opened his mouth slightly and Nick took the opening and slid his tongue inside. He sighed into the older man's mouth as their mouths slide together, touching and tasting everything they'd been denying themselves for months. Nick felt dizzy with need and he wasn't sure how much longer he could remain standing up. Kissing Kevin this way made his knees weak and the lack of oxygen was making it that much harder to focus. 

A moment later Kevin broke the kiss, using his good arm to push against Nick's chest and forcing him backwards. They were both struggling to take in air and Nick was harder than he could ever remember being. He was done being scared about it, worrying about if these feelings made him gay or not. All he care about now was making sure this man wanted him too and getting to touch and kiss more of him. 

Kevin eyed him closely as he struggled to regain his breath. "Are you sure this is what you want? That I'm what you want? You can't take this back in the morning…" 

Nick nodded enthusiastically. "I've never been more sure of anything." 

Kevin gave him a small smile, making the older man appear almost shy. Nick felt his heart skip a beat and watched as Kevin pushed himself off the wall and held out his hand. Nick took it, lacing their fingers together and relishing in the warmth. Kevin tugged him gently down the hallway and the next think Nick knew they were standing in front of each other on Kevin's bedroom. 

"I have so many things I want to say. I want to explain that this isn't something I do with my students, that I've never done this before…" his explanation was cut off when Nick moved closer and pulled him right up against his body, silencing his ramblings with his kiss. 

"We have all the time in the world for talking later. Right now I just want to feel you, taste you." Nick mumbled against the older man's mouth. 

He walked them backwards and when Kevin backed into the bed, Nick pulled back just enough to allow him to settle down easily enough. Nick reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it from his head before tossing it to the floor. Kevin watched his movements and moaned a little as more and more flesh was exposed. The older man's eyes scanned over the exposed inked flesh and groaned softly. 

Nick had no idea how to do any of this, but hoped the other man would guide him well enough so he could make it good for both of them. He wanted to be with Kevin in every way, taking and giving him so much pleasure the older man would never want it to end. Nick already felt that way and they had done little more than kiss. 

"You're turn." Nick said throatily, gesturing towards Kevin's shirt. 

Kevin's eyes were trained on Nick's chest, taking in the sight and wasn't paying him any attention. Nick was growing impatient and moved closer grabbing for the shirt and had it up and over the raven colored head before Kevin could even begin to protest. "Much better." Nick mumbled as he moved closer, sitting beside the other man on the edge of the bed. 

Kevin turned to him then, finally coming to terms with what was happening and reached out and cupped the side of Nick's face in his large palm. "You're so beautiful." he whispered. 

Nick blushed and shook his head. "I'm not. I'm nothing compared to you, Jesus, do you even realize how hot you are?" 

The professor laughed. "I've been told that, but I don't see it. Plus I believe beauty is only skin deep and no one has ever really wanted to take the time to get to know me. But you, you've spent so many nights with me, talking and asking questions and then today, going out of your way to help me when I'm struggling. That's what makes you beautiful, not just your appearance."

Nick felt tears prick at his eyes and blinked rapidly to keep them away. He leaned in close and gently brushed his lips against the other man's, loving the velvety softness and the little moans that escaped without even being able to determine which mouth they fell from. 

"Make love to me, Nick." the older man whispered against his heated skin.

Nick felt goosebumps rise over his skin. "I'm not sure how… I mean… I've never…" He mumbled, embarrassed. 

Kevin nodded. "I figured as much. I'll walk you through it. It's not much different than being with a woman." 

Nick gave him a nervous smile and waited for instruction. Kevin leaned over and captured his lips once again, wrapping his arms around Nick's waist and pulling him closer. They kissed for several minutes until they had to pull away to breathe. Nick was hard and straining against his jeans and one look at the older man told the same story. He slid his hand over to the top of Kevin's jeans and fumbled with the button. 

"Let me help, baby." Kevin said as he stood to his feet and unbuttoned his pants. Nick reached for him then, taking the jeans and pushing them down Kevin's thighs. He stood quickly, everything suddenly becoming very real as he gazed at the man in front of him, wearing nothing but his boxers. He placed his hand along the top of the waistband of Kevin's boxers and allowed one finger to dip inside as he ran along the length of Kevin's cut abs. He wanted to touch him everywhere and everywhere he touched he wanted to follow with his lips, his tongue. 

Taking a deep breath, Nick grabbed for the underpants and pulled them clean off, leaving the other man standing before him gloriously naked and hard. Nick swallowed hard, watching the way Kevin's erection sprang free from the confinement of his boxers and now stood proud and purplish, waiting for Nick's touch. He could barely tear his eyes away, but knew he needed to in order to remove his own bottoms. 

He quickly glanced down and unbuttoned his own pants, taking them and his own boxes off in one quick flick of his wrist. He tried not to be self conscious, but it was damn near impossible when he stood in front of perfection. "Jesus," he whispered. 

Kevin smiled. "I told you, you could call me Kevin." 

Nick's eyes shot up to meet his, the green eyes smiling with laughter and a darker sense of desire. Nick lunged for him, knocking them both back against the mattress, naked cocks bumping and sliding together as their bodies came unto contact for the first time. Nick moaned, loudly, unable to stop the sounds of pleasure from pouring out of him the moment their skin melded into each other. 

Kevin pushed up against him just enough so he could slip out of his arms and push himself back further up the bed, giving both of their long frames plenty of room to move together. Nick followed, crawling on his hands and knees as he drew closer, almost predator-like. Kevin's eyes darkened and Nick felt the look resonate in his dick, growing harder than he'd been previously. Once he reached the older man he settled over him gently, being mindful of Kevin's wrist and making sure he wouldn't bump or hurt him in any way. He groaned softly the moment their dicks touched again. It had never felt this good to rub against someone and Nick didn't think he would ever get tired of the sensation. He pushed his hips down purposely, grinding into the other man and unable to stop the words tumbling out of his mouth. "Holy shit…does it always feel this good?" he begged as he repeated the motion and got even more intense results. 

Kevin was helping now, pushing his hips up in time to meet Nick's as they rubbed together. "It gets so much better than this. But you've got to stop. This feels amazing and I don't want to come until you're buried inside of me." 

"Fuck." Nick moaned as he tried to slow the motion of his hips. "I don't know if I can take more. Everything feels so good. The things you do to me. I've never felt this way about another person." Nick said honestly, pulling away and taking several deep breaths to calm himself. 

Kevin chuckled, the sound was low and deep in his throat and it turned Nick on even more. How in the would could a laugh turn him on? He didn't have time to think about it. Kevin was twisting away from him and reaching for the drawer in the middle of the nightstand. Nick watched as he got the drawer open and extracted a condom and a tube of lube before settling himself back down on the bed. "You're going to need both of these." he said handing them to Nick. He took them and gazed at them intently. He was really going to do this. He was about to fuck another guy. He thought when and if this moment ever came he would be too upset to even focus but instead all he felt was a deep desire to move forward, to make love to this man. 

Nick sat back on his feels as he fingered the items in his hand. "Last chance to change your mind," Kevin said as he settled his hand over top of Nick's. 

Nick's panicked eyes met his. Oh God, Kevin thought his hesitancy meant he wasn't ready to go through with this. Nick shook his head. "No backing out. I want this. I want you. Just a little nervous I guess, I want this to be good for you and I have no idea what I'm doing." 

Kevin gave him a shy smile. "Honestly baby, it's been so long that no matter what happens it's going to be good for me. Even more so because it's happening with you. I've wanted you since the moment I stepped foot inside that classroom and laid eyes on you." 

Nick ducked his head and busied himself opening the foil packet and jacking himself a couple of times to make putting on the condom easier. Once he was sheathed, his eyes met Kevin's again. 

"Put some of the lube on your fingers and then put one at a time inside of me. You're going to have to move and stretch me before we can really do anything else, otherwise you'll tear me apart. It's just like fingering a woman, except I'm a man." Kevin said as he shifted his hips down to meet Nick's. 

Nick nodded and flipped open the lid and squeezed the liquid onto his fingers. He rubbed them together, making sure they were sufficiently covered before he turned his attention back to the other man. Taking another breath, he leaned down and brushed his lips across Kevin's, getting lost in the feeling of their mouths sliding together. It was a feeling he wanted to remember forever. He broke the kiss and moved his attention further down. He gently traced the crack of Kevin's ass before teasing and pushing his finger against Kevin's sensitive pucker. He pushed inside, thinking how warm and tight it felt and couldn't wait to bury himself inside. He kept his eyes on Kevin's face, waiting for any sign of pain or discomfort. He slowly moved his finger in and out and was almost ready to add a second when he tapped something deep inside and Kevin shuddered against him. 

"Fuck, do that again." He begged as he pushed his hips down against Nick's finger. It had to be one of the sexiest things Nick had ever seen. Nick rotated his wrist and pushed forward, tapping that same spot again and again. Kevin moaned and writhed on the bed, the sight making Nick want to come on the spot. 

He pulled his finger out slowly and added more lube, this time pushing two fingers deep inside the other man. He moved them in and out, opening and shutting them in an attempt to stretch Kevin enough for his cock. He kept moving, pushing in and out until Kevin stopped him. 

"Please baby, just you now. Just your cock. Please, just fuck me baby." Kevin moaned. 

It felt like music to Nick's ears. He couldn't get inside the other man fast enough. He pulled out his fingers and leaned down to kiss him once more. Kevin reached up and gripped the back of Nick's head, deepening the kiss as he thrust his hips up into the younger man. Nick broke away. 

"Stop or I'm going to come before I ever get to be inside you." Nick moaned as he swatted Kevin's hand away. Kevin kept reaching for him, but Nick dodged his advanced and grabbed the lube, adding more to his erection. 

"Ready?" he asked, the fear evident in his voice. 

Kevin gave him a comforting smile. "Absolutely." 

Nick nodded and pushed forward, trying to go slow so he didn't hurt the other man, but the tight heat currently surrounding his cockhead made it hard to concentrate. He wanted nothing more than to thrust the rest of the way inside and fuck the living shit out of this man, but he also knew if he did that he would cause his lover pain and that wasn't something he was willing to do, no matter how great it felt. He continued to push in, inch by inch as he allowed Kevin to get used to his size. Their eyes remained locked and then Nick was completely inside, enveloped in the tight tunnel of his lover. He waited patiently, brushing Kevin's long hair off of his forehead as he waited for the other man to adjust enough for him to move. 

All at once the pressure around his dick got to be to much and if he didn't move right then he was going to come and this whole thing would be over. "I've gotta move baby," Nick groaned as he pulled out as slow as he could managed. 

"Yes. Yes. Please move, fuck me Nicky." the older man begged as he drew his knees back back towards him, giving Nick more access to move.

"Fuck baby," Nick moaned, the sounds coming low from his mouth as he pushed back in, rocking his hips forward and into the other man. Kevin met him halfway, thrusting his hips down as Nick pushed in. 

"Fuck," Kevin yelled as Nick slammed into him, fingers gripping the sides of his hips so hard Nick was sure he was leaving tiny bruises. 

"You're so fucking tight baby." Nick managed to get out as he continued his movements sliding in and out of the slick heat. 

"I'm close. It's been too long." Kevin moaned, his head thrashing against the bed pillows. 

Nick sped up his actions, angling his hips so he could hit Kevin's prostate again and again. 

"Jesus Fuck, Nicky," Kevin yelled out as he brought his hands down hard in Nick's biceps. He came hard, eyes close and his face a look of ecstasy. 

Nick watched the older man unravel underneath him and in seconds he was spilling himself deep inside. "Shit, I'm coming baby." he moaned as he continued his thrusts as long as he could to prolong their orgasms. 

He stayed perfectly still, his heart beating rapidly inside his chest and his breath coming out in short little gasps. He was incapable of sucking in any more air as he bent half over Kevin's body, trying hard to come back down to reality. Kevin was having the same problem, his breaths were ragged and he struggled to keep his eyes open. Nick took several breaths and finally felt like he could move. He pulled out slowly, hating the way it felt to leave his lover's body and fell down in the bed beside him. 

"It has never been like that, ever." Nick said softly as he stared up at Kevin's ceiling fan. He watched it spin, round and round as he tried to level out his heart rate. Kevin made no move to come any closer and Nick was desperate for the intimacy. Kevin didn't respond to his admission and after a moment he rolled over on his side to look at the older man. Kevin's eyes were squeezed shut and an unreadable expression on his face. Nick cupped his cheek softly in his hand, making Kevin turn his face to look at him. 

"What's going on in that head if yours?" Nick asked softly as his thumb rubbed against the soft skin of Kevin's cheek. 

_\--  
I wanna hear your history  
I wanna see where you're goin  
Anything you wanna tell me, tell me  
Baby I wanna know it  
\--_

Kevin remained silent. Nick frowned, fear starting to pool in his belly. He pushed himself up on one elbow and moved closer, grabbing Kevin by the waist and pulling him closer. He didn't fight it, but he didn't make it easier either. "What's going on? Did I hurt you? Was I horrible or something and that's why you won't look at me?" 

Kevin's lips twitched in a small smile. He turned his head to face Nick's and slowly opened his eyes. "You're ridiculous, so you know that?" 

"How am I ridiculous? I'm just trying to figure out what I did wrong to make you pull away from me. If it sucked for you, you can tell me and I'll work on it." Nick pleaded with the older man, desperate to understand what was happening. 

Kevin shook his head. "You were fucking amazing." 

"Then what's the problem? Isn't that a good thing?" Nick was confused. None of this made any sense. 

Kevin looked at him, small tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. "We never talked about this. About what this is. You showed up here and I wanted you so bad that I didn't even give a shit about all the reasons why we shouldn't. I let my guard down and now, everything's a mess." 

Nick pulled him closer and rolled on top of him until he was nestled above him. From this angle they were face to face and there was nowhere for Kevin to escape to. "This is whatever we want it to be. I had a lot of time to think after I left here this afternoon. I ended up at Kimmie's and we talked everything out. She helped me realize that what I've been feeling for you, since the very first day, has always been leading up to this moment. Yes, it's obvious that I am extremely attracted to you, but it's more than that. I'm attracted to the person you are inside and I want to spend as much time as I can getting to know you more. I want to spend time with you, I want to know everything there is to know about you. I want to take care of you in your bad days when you need a little bit of help but you're too ashamed to ask for it. I want to be your person. "

Kevin's tears had started sliding down the sides of his cheeks as he listened to Nick's impassioned speech. "I want all of that too. I have since that very first meeting, but I'm scared. I come with a lot of baggage, emotionally as well as physically with my hand. You're still figuring things out and you have your whole life ahead of you, I don't want to pull you down with me. I've been hurt so badly in the past I never thought I would ever be in this situation again. After Joshua, I made the decision that I would never be able to trust anyone ever again and because of this, no one would ever be able to get close enough to me to break down those walls and allow myself to feel this way again. And then I met you and started spending time with you and before I knew it you were all I could think about. "

"Tell me about Joshua." Nick said quietly as he rolled off the other man and settled back into the pillows on the bed. Once he was comfortable he pulled the older man into his arms, Kevin's head resting comfortably against Nick's shoulder. Nick knew if there was going to be any sort of chance for them to move on from this together, he had to know what had happened. 

Kevin snuggled in against him. Nick enjoyed the warmth of the other man and wondered what it would be like to go to sleep with him at night and wake up wrapped around him in the morning. 

"I thought Joshua was the one. I was sure of it and no one could talk me out of it. I was young and dumb and hopelessly in love with a man who was only in love with himself. I loved him unconditionally, and at the time I believed he loved me too. What I didn't know however was how badly he was using me for money and cheating on me behind my back. He had a drinking problem, one I chose to ignore because I loved him so much." Kevin had to stop for a moment, the tears becoming too much for him to handle. Nick just held him, letting him feel his body next to his. 

Kevin took a shaky breath and reached for Nick's hand, threading their fingers together. Nick had done this several times already today as he'd massaged the professor's wrist to ease the pain, but this time was different. This time they were holding hands as lovers. Nick loved thinking about it. 

Kevin continued, "I had just gotten my first gallery opening and they were hosting an open house for me. I was ecstatic. It was the first time my work as being displayed for sale and I couldn't believe my good fortune when during the first hour of opening, I'd already sold four paintings. I was so excited and I wanted nothing more than to share my great news with Joshua. I searched high and low for him. I finally thought maybe he was outside so I went to the coat closet to get my jacket to go look and I walked in and found him balls deep inside one of the waitresses. I stood in the doorway like a fool and he just stared at me while he finished. He didn't even try to stop and make sure I was okay or apologize. I remember getting sick. I ran from the room and found a bathroom to throw up in. The gallery owner happened to be walking by and heard me. When he came to the door he could tell I was sick. He told me to go home and he would handle the rest of the show. I didn't even bother going for my coat that time. I had my keys in my pocket and I booked it out the door. Once I got outside, Joshua was leaning against the hood of my car, waiting for me. We argued, I told him I was done, that this was unforgivable to me and I managed to get safely in the car and backed out. I drove down the street a little ways and the next thing I know he's in his car and he's right behind me, driving so close that if I hit the brakes too hard he'd hit me. I tried taking random streets to get away from him but nothing ever worked. I started heading out of town, thinking he would get bored with the chase and head back to the city. About thirty minutes outside of New York he tried to come up alongside the car. I freaked out and slowed down, not sure what the hell he was doing. Everything happened so fast after that. He kept bringing his car closer and even managed to scrape the side of the car a couple of times. It was jarring but I handled it. Next I decided I would try to outrun him so I started to accelerate. The last thing I remember was a semi truck coming from the opposite side of the road. He sped up to get around me and the semi and the next thing I know I'm waking up alone in the emergency room and six days have passed and I can't remember anything. They'd already performed several surgeries trying to repair the damage to my arm and wrist but it was no use. While I can maintain limited function and for the most part function normally, I would never hold a paintbrush again, and some days, like today, I can barely hold a pencil. "

The tears were racing down Nick's cheeks, he was unable to keep them at bay as Kevin recounted the horrible circumstances of how he was injured it was worse than anything Nick had ever heard. He wanted nothing more than to take every ounce of pain away from the other man. He leaned down and gently brushed his lips across Kevin's forever before moving south and taking Kevin's mouth in a tender kiss. They kissed long and slow for several moments before Kevin pulled back and rested their foreheads together.

"I'm so sorry baby." Nick said softly as he dropped little kisses in Kevin' s cheeks and forehead. He pulled back just enough that he could look in Kevin's eyes. 

"I'm not him. I'll never be him. I may still be coming to terms with the way I feel about another man, but that's not going to change anything for me. You were right. I did have to make a choice. And me coming here tonight was me choosing you, choosing us. Whatever way you'll have me.”

“I never told anyone that story. Hell, I never even told the cops what happened when they questioned me after the fact. I was so broken, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I couldn’t even bear the thought of a trial or facing him again so I just pretended like I couldn’t remember anything that happened. I swore to myself that if he tried to get in touch or if he made any sort of trouble for me that I would find a way to move forward and press charges. But I’ve never heard from him and I know I made the right decision for me. It took more than a year before I could pull myself up out of the pool of self pity and hatred I had buried myself in. A friend suggested I needed something to keep my mind active and thought it would help me process what had happened so I taught a basic art class for the community college and I fell in love with teaching. While I can’t paint myself anymore, I can still instruct and hopefully inspire others to create something wonderful, not only with their art, but also with their lives. Kevin sighed. “I want you, in every way. I was just too scared to think I’d ever get it.”

Nick smiled and nuzzled the side of Kevin’s cheek. “You’ve got me baby, for as long as you want me.”

Kevin gave him a wicked grin. “Guess you’re mine forever.” he muttered playfully. 

Nick’s smile was wide and his blue eyes shined in the dim light of the bedroom. “Sounds like I made the right choice.”

\--  
 _I want the whole damn thing  
I don't just want a part I want the whole damn thing_


End file.
